if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
