I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
