eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
