Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
