drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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