I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
