Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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