So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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