i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
