i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it because I queefed?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
