my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
