I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
