Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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