i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
