After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love having hate sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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