There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
two words...techno handjob
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
