What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
