That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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