So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
