she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
