grandma shit on top of the toilet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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