Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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