I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
