Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
