I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
