hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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