Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
