Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
