Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
