and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize