Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
