bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
