i love accidental penises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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