I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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