I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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