tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
