You really coming over, don't trick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
