Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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