The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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