Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
