SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
