you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
