just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
