i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
