Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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