ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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