you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
