I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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