Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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