my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
