I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
