Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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