I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
