Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
