Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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