let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
