Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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