this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
