She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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