Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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