you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
try to milk me bitch
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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