is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
