the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
