ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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