I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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