it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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