Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
