yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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