the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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