Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
