Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
