Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
