me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
