Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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