I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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