filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
