I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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