Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
