hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
