forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
